If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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