He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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