Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
