It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
