i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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