Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
