non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
