Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want nice things and good sex
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
