this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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