All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
