DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
