woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
