those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Buhtt sex?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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