Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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