I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it's great music for shaving your balls
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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