Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
