i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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