We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
this just has baby written all over it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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