It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize