Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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