And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
