Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
