True but thats because hes a fetus.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
