she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
