We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
