All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
