There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
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