I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
