accomplished twins. life is a go
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
