Sober January is a disaster.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
