Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
