We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She is in my trunk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
