I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
