My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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