i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I want to fling myself into the sun
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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