We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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