and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
