I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
