I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
