we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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