oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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