I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
