The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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