AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
