i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
