1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
