Cold hands, warm shart.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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