i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got inside last night via doggy door
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
