So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
