What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
