Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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