I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
