omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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