fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
