I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We're too hungover to prance.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
