btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
