PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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