you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
