Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
