Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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