I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
