Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
