Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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