you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
