btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
