When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
