I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
