I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
