So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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