Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Be still, my beating vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
